Humble Beginnings

Sometimes the beginning is the most difficult part: The blank paper staring back at the painter, his palette of watercolors quivering with anticipation to bleed into the fibers and each other. The sheet of music staring back at the composer, a myriad of notes, chords and scales thirsting for their time to sound in dissonance and resolve. I must remember that before the paper is mounted, or the blank music sheets are opened, before the paint quivers or the notes thirst, there is always another beginning; an indefinable point within ourselves that could cry out in passion, pain, longing, joy or an indescribable number and combination of inspirational visions who must take physical form, and so often directs their birth through any myriad of mediums into physical manifestation.

So often I wish for that manifestation to be smelt, heard, seen, felt and/or tasted by another, to share my own life. But what if that indefinable point wants to express something that the architects of civilization deem reprehensible, evil or down right naughty? With whom do I share my wildness; when that indefinable soul within me inextricably desires to read tarot cards for a living, sit naked in the quiet forest or just howl at the moon and invite the spirits of the old gods to teach me something new, in whom can I confide?

In part, this blog is here for me to put those thoughts, feelings and desires into the world in a fashion that takes relatively little time and that I can do when/wherever a computer is convenient. In part, this blog is here for me to let out the howl and tell you, wherever you are, that I’ve got something to share. And just maybe, someone will get it; like the Lone Wolf who howls at the night to find his mate, his friends, his pack, perhaps mine will be listening.

I would also like to simultaneously begin with what this blog is not. This is not a furry-finder blog, and there is no role-play here. When I talk about my inner animal or inner beast I am literally referring to that inexorably wild part of myself, and my relationship to the spirits, including the animal spirits, I meet on my journeys through life. Doesn’t mean I’m hating on furries or role players, I’m just letting you know upfront what I’m not representing in my correspondences here. I’ve found a serious lack of the ‘real deal’ discussions online and decided to start one of my own. And before you ask me if I’ve checked out the myriad of social networking sites devoted to pagans, new agers or meetups, the answer is yes, and I reply: have you? Gotta sift through a lot of shit to find a handful of truly open-minded and supportive people. And I mean I could count them on one hand. You might be surprised (or not) by how many astral-travelers, out of body new agers and/or pagans that get a blank stare when you ask them if they often shapeshift into beasts during their journeys in dreamtime. It’s a lonely world and an unorganized community. Not to mention full of drama-crazies, or people who want your wallet and then some before they ‘guide’ you to their version of the other side.

Now for what this blog definitely is and what it may become: Due to my distaste and dissatisfaction with the caliber and quality of people professing to be open to and/or practitioners of some form of psycho-spiritual awareness (be it neo-shamanism, wiccan, druid, reconstructionist, the list goes on), and due to the fact that I just moved to this place from about 1000 miles away less than 2 years ago, I have only a couple good friends, and I doubt our relationships have developed to a point, and may never, where we can have the types of discussions I intend on putting on my blog. As these discussions are about my real self, and are the deepest parts of me, having none to share with creates a supreme loneliness, so I turn to the blog and internet communities. Perhaps someone out there is going through a similar situation, will hear the howl to commune, and under the darkness of email create community. Maybe they even happen to be nearby and someday we meet under the darkness of getting a coffee. Lol. I hope this community hears the call and finds itself. If my blog inspires you or becomes the source, so be it. I will not, however, put too many limitations on it as it also must serve as a medium to express myself in the meantime.

So hear’s howlin’ at you PDX, may we find ourselves and each other.